While growing up, anytime anyone asked what I wanted to be, I’d say a mom. Not a doctor (although there was a vet phase I went through), not a lawyer, not anything but a mom, a mom with ten kids is what I would claim right up until I experienced pregnancy. That may seem small or short-sighted to some of you, but the Lord did tell us to be fruitful. I’ve done just that in a very untraditional way, but I also know that our Lord doesn’t make mistakes, so I feel he must be pleased with the end result regardless.
While we were living in the apartment, there was a time that I was working two jobs; a daytime office job, and cocktail waitressing at Texanna Red’s a couple of nights a week. However, we remained broke because as I said before, Lee was not helping at all. We had stopped communicating altogether but there was still a little boy to support in the meantime. I was grasping at straws to make ends meet, much less have anything left over. Different opportunities came about, but none of them were very lucrative. I met an older group of people who seemed to be exciting while I was working at “Red’s”. They were a non-profit organization that attended fundraising functions, they greeted the Blue Angels on the tarmac, and got to be on morning radio shows, all while dressed in sexy flight suits. The unofficial promise was that we’d have chances to make some money in tips at the events which sounded too good to be true, but also like a lot of fun; I thought, why not try it, right?! We had a professional photo shoot done that was nothing short of risque. We actually had an autograph signing party for our posters; years later I ran into a man who exclaimed that he had a poster of me hanging on his garage wall. Great….. I never got one red cent when participating in this organization. It took up way more time than I had and it didn’t pay, so it didn’t take long for me to move on.
There was another venture that I embarked on that was a complete 180 degrees from the previous one, and it actually made me feel as if I was doing a good deed. This would also help me make rent that month, so that was a definite bonus! There was this family of a friend of mine, they were an older couple who desperately wanted to have a baby. The wife already had two sons from a previous marriage, but the husband had no kids of his own. I thought they were good people from what I knew and it felt right to help if I could. I would go through a series of fertility treatments; shots in my stomach that were self-administered, every day for a month. I would then be put under anesthesia to harvest my eggs; after they were mixed with her husband’s sperm, my eggs were implanted into the wife and then soon became embryos. I would have never dreamed of the consequences that would ensue, due to my poor diligence in taking this decision seriously. The couple was from the Tulsa area, so that was where my treatments took place. Before we began any of that part, we all went in to finalize the process with the doctor. He was much like a car salesman, “Sign here stating blah, blah, blah”…… Man I should’ve read the fine print, asked questions, and most importantly, THOUGHT FOR MYSELF!!!! Y’all must see the trend now, I often made horrible decisions on a whim that would later cause me suffering; but they also contributed to building my character, making me who I am today.
The day my eggs were harvested I was to be in Tulsa along with someone to drive me home after, due to the fact that I’d be under anesthesia for the harvest. Lee was still staying at Ray’s and was supposed to be my ride. In true Lee fashion, he stood me up the morning of. I was on my way to pick him up and I saw Ray walking on the side of the road. He had walked up to the corner store and was on his way home. I stopped to pick him up and he went in the house to get Lee, but instead, out came Jaime, who was more or less a minion of Lee’s. He was a nice guy and he was a good sport about going with me, but it was awkward and I was obviously very upset with Lee over the debacle. He literally told me he wasn’t going to participate in the “selling of his future kids”.
After my eggs were harvested, and I was in recovery, I asked how it went. The doctor informed me that they were able to get 28 of my eggs. It would be years later that I would find out that the “leftovers” would be sold if they were viable. I SHOULD’VE READ THE FINE PRINT!!!!!! But I also feel that I was taken advantage of in the worst way. Yes, shame on me for not thinking to ask what would happen in this scenario, I had never done this before and had no idea that I needed to be leery of anything with these people. But the couple and the doctor/staff knew exactly what they were doing. Regardless, after that, the plan went on without me. I talked to the wife, we’ll call her Jocelyn, and she told me they had been unsuccessful in any of the embryos taking. Obviously, I was disappointed for them, and also for all I had invested in. I ended up very sick and hospitalized with numerous ovarian cysts and severe endometriosis. My mother was pretty upset and called Jocelyn to tell her that she felt they should be financially responsible for my medical bills. I never did any of it for the money, not really. I later found out that a lot of college girls were selling their eggs for tens of thousands of dollars. I made $500. Like I said, it was never about the money. Anyway, Jocelyn came to see me in the hospital and I thought she was behaving strangely, but I wrote it off as strange circumstances and forgot about it. A few weeks later I found out that she was in fact pregnant, but said they’d gotten the eggs from a friend of hers. Again, I didn’t think much of it, I congratulated her and moved on with my life. Later still, I heard she had given birth to twin girls, I’d even seen them at a birthday party as infants. The blow came a few years later when I found out that they were in fact, my biological children. It only felt like a “blow” because of all the lies and underhandedness that transpired. Lesson learned. Years later another piece of devastating news, Jocelyn had died, leaving the girls to be raised by a single father. Obviously, I have no claim to them, however, the mother in me has struggled with it ever since. I know they’re thriving, now they’re legally grown women. I’ve seen pictures of them, they aren’t identical, but they both look like me and my other children. I’ve often wondered what would happen if they knew the truth, to my knowledge they’ve never been told. I reached out to the father via Facebook Messenger after I was diagnosed with Type 1 diabetes, because well, that’s the kind of thing your kids need to be aware of. But that was to no avail. I’m sure they had their reasoning, maybe that was in the fine print. I figure that if they’re meant to know, God will make it happen. I’ll just be over here praying that they have HIS favor and live their very best/blessed lives.
I haven’t gotten far enough into my story for you to know, but present-day me is well on my way to my “dream” of 10 kids. I’ve given birth to three children and have gained a bonus daughter and then our niece joined us along the way. Often my kids have told me they couldn’t handle any more siblings, and honestly, I don’t know that I could either. Raising a child is the hardest, most rewarding, sacrifice/job anyone could do, and as I tell my kids, “It doesn’t ever stop. Not when you turn legal age, or fly the nest, not when you have a family of your own, not even when you’re 80, you’ll always be my baby.” Now…. I can’t help but wonder, how many more are out there?!!!
Psalms 37:4 Take delight in the Lord and He will give you your heart’s desires.
