I recently finished a book by Kristen Hannah one of my favorite authors, that resonated with me for many reasons, it was super relatable to my story of my first love and then my marriage to Ray later down the road. In it she quoted Kierkegaard, “Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forward.” What a profound truth, that guy was deep, and it made me curious about who he was as a person. Come to find out he had earned two degrees, one in theology and the second in philosophy, then went on to complete a pastoral seminary program, like I said, DEEP! He was known as a defender of Christian faith, and I thought man, let me be remembered as that! Who knew I’d have so many common interests as someone from the 1800’s? Back in the throes of my first love and every little thing that came with it, I realize now that there was little to no understanding or wisdom to be had in those days. And here I am now with it being so crystal clear. Of course, now I appreciate wisdom, but like Luke Bryan said in his country ballad “Most People Are Good”, he sings “I believe that youth is spent well on the young, ’cause wisdom in our teens would be a lot less fun”. Those teen years for me meant flying down backroads with my car loaded down with as many friends as we could pack in there, having Roman Candle fights at the river, blindly believing the boy who said he loved me, my first experiences two-stepping and line dancing, all the things that helped mold me into who I am today. The good, the bad, the past, lessons that were essential in my understanding of not only what I learned then, but also who I want to be.
Last night I was trying to decide where I could go from here since the darkness has finally been brought to light, and I stumbled onto a list I’d made for myself on January 1st this year. First, I’d forgotten I’d even written it because I’ve become quite a list maker since deciding to be serious about this blog writing. I’ll have an idea/thought/something that I want to remember and make a quick note of it on my phone, or a post it, a napkin, basically wherever I can. So, on this particular one, it was “My list of goals for 2024”. I was pleasantly surprised to see that I’m actively doing or have done everything on the list so far and was encouraged and inspired by the goodness of God. For maybe the first time in my life, I’d actually made a plan that was motivated to align with my beliefs in Him. Like an obedient child, I felt as if I’d finally done something to please my dad and am now seeing the benefits. The truth of it is God always loved me, even when I was living by my own will. But now that I’m training to do things the way He’s taught us to in His word, life is somehow easier. I can breathe deep and am filled with peace that seemed so elusive for so long. Knowing that there will still be seasons of unrest doesn’t steal the tranquility anymore, I’ve seen what He can bring me through. The definition of “refinement” is the process of removing impurities or unwanted elements from a substance, or in this case a person, me. That’s what the Beth Moore study from my last post taught me, the refinement is necessary to make me more like His image.
Throughout the harrowing last couple of years, as my heart has been able (to be refined) to begin to soften back up, I’ve found myself becoming more and more the kind of person that starts to look for the best in people. It really doesn’t matter who it is, people who’ve hurt me, who I’ve seen/heard wishing others harm, or any number of other whack scenarios, I now can look at them and wonder what made them that way. I 100% believe that no one sets out to be mean, hateful, abusive, or any other bad quality you can think of. It’s almost always directly related to their circumstances, whether it’s how they were raised, or a direct result of their own personal trauma. I also believe that we, any of us can make a difference for anyone else if we want to. We all have days when that might sound exhausting, and we could list a hundred reasons why we can’t or won’t be able to do or help someone, but many of us have been the person just waiting to be helped too. It doesn’t matter what the “help” you offer looks like either, sometimes it’s just a smile that can encourage even a complete stranger to put one foot in front of the other. I saw a shirt today that said, “You’re only as cool as you treat people”, and now I need that shirt! In this world where everyone is racing to get ahead, catch up, be better, you can be the one to give someone else hope. I’m adding that to my goal list! In my quest to share some notes I’d made I found a copy of this poem “Holes” by Scott Lewis and had to pass it on, having just gotten out of my own “Hole” for the foreseeable future.
The holes we find ourselves in can be scary, lonely, despairing, especially when we have no hope or solidarity. The thing is though, we’re never really alone. God is with us, sometimes refining us to be purified for the next season He has for us. In the afore mentioned Beth Moore study “Daniel”, I remember trying to picture how on earth Daniel didn’t die of a heart attack right when he was thrown in the lion’s den. Can you imagine being surrounded by lions and zero ways to defend yourself? But God.
Daniel 6:16-22 CSB
- So the king gave the order, and they brought Daniel and threw him into the lions’ den. The king said to Daniel, “May your God, whom you continually serve, rescue you!”
- A stone was brought and placed over the mouth of the den. The king sealed it with his own signet ring and with the rings of his nobles, so that nothing in regard to Daniel could be changed.
- Then the king went to his palace and spent the night fasting. No diversions were brought to him, and he could not sleep.
- At the first light of dawn, the king got up and hurried to the lions’ den.
- When he reached the den, he cried out in anguish to Daniel. “Daniel, servant of the living God,” the king said, “has your God, whom you continually serve, been able to rescue you from the lions?”
- Then Daniel spoke with the king: “May the king live forever.
- My God sent his angel and shut the lions’ mouths. They haven’t harmed me, for I was found innocent before him. Also, I have not committed a crime against you, my king.”
My utter devastation, I know now, wasn’t my destination. HE was refining me to get me where I am, where I’m going. He is with us all, we have a choice, BELIEVE!!!
Isaiah 43:5 CSB Do not fear, for I am with you.
