Sitting down at my desk, putting on my oxygen mask again. You know, the one from the plane that you have to put on before you can help anyone else? I swear life can be exhausting sometimes. Like you’re trucking along, things are running smooth, and then, BAM! I’m hit, I’m going down! Not really of course, but it sure feels like it now and then. The past week has been a rollercoaster. Last week me and Ray both celebrated another trip around the sun (his birthday is the day before mine), and I can’t even explain how loved and celebrated we felt, it was great! Then life caught back up with me, chores, responsibilities, relationships, all of it needed my attention once again. Most days it’s easy for me to see the blessings in all of that, there are also times that it feels like pure drudgery, as if it’s too much for me to put one foot in front of the other. Sometimes nurturing five kids and navigating each of their lives and my relationship with each one individually can feel as if I’m being pulled in at least that many directions and as if I’m coming up short and failing them all and that had me reflecting on the omnipresence of God. *”Omnipresent” is an adjective that means present everywhere at the same time. It describes something or someone that is universally or widely present and pervasive. For example, in religious contexts, a deity might be described as omnipresent, meaning the deity is present in all places at all times.* I’m well aware that I’m not God, but also feel like as a parent or even just a person in general who feels stretched thin and wishing they could clone themselves, how cool would it be if we could be in multiple places at once?! (Not as an AI, let me be clear about that!) If none of that pertains to you then good for you, please message me your secrets! Personally, I couldn’t be more thankful to know that God isn’t just with me, He’s also with everyone I care about too, all the time, wherever we are, what a relief to know that we can relax and trust He has each of us.
Joshua 1:9 says, “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” (NIV)
Now that I can breathe again… I read something today that was talking about how easy it is to fall into the routine of looking into the future and focusing on what we want and in turn becoming blind to what we already have. I realize how setting goals is healthy and beneficial for us, but not if we become unseeing to all that we already have. If you’re someone who thinks, “Well she’s not talking to me”, believe me, I am. If you’re reading this, it means you have eyesight, or someone who loves you enough to read to you. Eyesight=blessing. As I age and struggle with the side effects of being a Type1 diabetic, I find myself praying for what I imagine most of us would consider very basic needs like vision, hearing, keeping my extremities, health in general. There are plenty of days I’m thanking God for another day of being able to see the faces of those I love, the sheer beauty of nature, watching my stepdad open my mom’s car door EVERY SINGLE TIME, or hearing the music I love to listen to with everything I do, the laughter of my family and friends, my husband’s voice telling me he loves me. Each heartbeat, each breath, THANK YOU LORD, may I please have another? In this world where it’s never enough, I pray that I’ll never forget the simplicity in these. And as long as He keeps answering those prayers, I’ll do my best to be a willing vessel for Him, even if I’m tired, if I’m flaky, if I’m indifferent, each day is new, and I’ll try again tomorrow (or the day after that) after I get my head on straight.
Lately the theme word in my life is grace. I’ve found myself reminding my family to have it for each other and others, and also for me and myself. I get in my head, beating myself up for every mistake I’ve ever made in life, as a spouse, mother, daughter, sister, friend, believer/sinner, all of it. Then I saw this the other day and felt a 1,000-pound weight lifted off of me.
Grace. Then I realized the devil was hard at work again, doing his best to convince me that I was a failure, and not him using his tactics to make me see it that way. How is it that we’re so easily convinced of all the bad things we perceive about ourselves, but have a hard time trusting the things we KNOW to be true? Some of the things that my family and friends said to me on my birthday had me squirming/blushing, unsure if they could really see the real me. Of course they did, but the lack of grace (aka the devil) I had for myself stood in the way of me accepting their love and adoration. Oh, the blessings we miss out on if we let that guy win! I realized that for the most part, I really don’t look at myself that way anymore, that’s how sneaky the enemy is, he wormed his way in through that little crack in my armor once again. This is where my new word “steadfast” comes into play. I’m adding it to my list of qualities I hope to represent.
*”Steadfast” is an adjective that means firmly fixed in place, immovable, or not subject to change. It can also refer to someone who is firm in belief, determination, or adherence, often exhibiting loyalty, faithfulness, and resoluteness. For example, a steadfast friend is one who remains loyal and reliable through various circumstances. * Immovable, firm in belief, YES!!! I’m not carrying my mistakes with me anymore, or at least I’m trying not to. If I were it would be like saying I didn’t believe God could forgive me for them and it’s humbling to come full circle with that in realizing that’s exactly why He sent His Son to die on the cross for us. The depth in that. I can’t begin to perceive that kind of love or grace, but like the song says, “I see the evidence all over my life”.
One of my faves! Insert hands in the air here!
Essentially, it’s a choice we’re making. We can choose to see the evidence, or we can put our blinders on and try to ignore what’s all around us. As for me, I’m looking for it everywhere I go. And it’s really not that far if you want it. These amazing, resilient kids that God has shared with Ray and I, outdid themselves for our birthdays this year. They planned and executed a super-secret mission in having the quintessential new trend of awkward family photos with a denim-on-denim kicker made for us and it was honestly one of the best gifts I’ve ever received. You can see the joy they experienced while taking them which ultimately gave us the same effect in receiving them. We laughed hard and of course I got a little emotional in seeing a couple of them, because it made me reflect on not just the complete and utter love I have for them, but also the EVIDENCE in the healing and tenacity taking place in each one of them. While we all are on our own journey and each one in a different place in that journey, the evidence is there. We’re still fighting, and most importantly still standing. For your viewing pleasure…
There was a time when I wondered if we’d ever be able to laugh or even smile again… EVIDENCE. God is so, so good!! There isn’t a situation or circumstance that God can’t turn around. He gives beauty for ashes, just like wildfires can bring about new growth. There have been many times in my life when I couldn’t possibly understand where God was at in my life, how could He let me go through (insert each horror here)… Looking back, He met me right where I was, in each pit I’d dug myself, He was there to throw me a rope to pull me out and even to a better place that became a part of my testimony that I now know I’m supposed to share with you. Jesus told Peter that He was going to make him a “fisher of men”.
Matthew, Chapter 4, verses 18-20 (NIV):
“As Jesus was walking beside the Sea of Galilee, he saw two brothers, Simon called Peter and his brother Andrew. They were casting a net into the lake, for they were fishermen. ‘Come, follow me,’ Jesus said, ‘and I will send you out to fish for people.’ At once they left their nets and followed him.”
As Christians it’s what we’re all called to do. When was the last time you went fishing?
Matthew, Chapter 28, verses 19-20 (NIV):
“Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”
I LOVE this, and YOU!! 😘