Something had changed inside me when Austin was born. Something BIG, but I couldn’t quite put my finger on it at the time. It’s obvious to me now that it was a combination of several things. My motherly instinct was already fierce, I was feeling very protective over someone besides myself. I was always that way over my family and friends, I’d do just about anything for all of them, but this was different, a whole other level. Everything felt confusing. Here I was a baby with a baby, trying to acclimate to Michael’s family with my son, and hardly knowing them. They were great with us despite the awkwardness of the situation, and very inclusive for the first few months. I had no idea what happened on their end during that time. I was too caught up in my own life, learning to be a mom, and trying to reason with my ever-evolving emotions that were supercharged by my hormones.
April Fool’s Day is ironically the day my milk came in. I had a long night before, on newborn time. I woke up to pounding on the front door and the incessant ringing of the doorbell… Disoriented and stumbling down the hall to the front door, unaware of the horror I was about to endure. I open the door, sleepily rubbing my eyes, still, in some of my new silky jammies my dad had just bought me. Before me stood Lee & Shan, both looking at me with confused looks on their faces. Lee stuttered out, “What is all over your shirt?!” I looked down and saw two huge wet spots covering my breasts! To say I was MORTIFIED would be an understatement! I quickly ran to change clothes and while I did, I remembered it was April Fool’s Day. I slipped quietly into my mom’s jewelry box and got out a huge cubic zirconia diamond ring she had, slipped it on my ring finger on my left hand, and then returned to the living room to hang out with the boys. We sat there casually B.S.’ing while they were marveling over Austin and how it was so crazy that he was finally here and REAL! Then at some point, Lee noticed the ring on my hand and exclaimed, “What the F$%* is that?” To which I replied that Michael and I were getting married. I regretted it almost immediately, the look on his face was enough to tell me that it broke his heart, but I played along because well, it was April Fool’s Day… Finally, after being grilled for a few minutes by both of them, I couldn’t take it anymore and exclaimed, “APRIL FOOL’S DAY FOOLS!” I thought it was much funnier than they did of course. It was the beginning of Lee and I claiming each other again, without even realizing it was happening.
Senior prom was a couple of weeks later and it really hurt my feelings when Lee went with an ex-girlfriend of his. He told me it was as friends and that he was only going with her because some of his friends were going with some of hers. Here I was graduated and a new mom, so I really didn’t feel like I had any place in telling him what he could or couldn’t do. I decided to back off and let him live his life because it was overly apparent that we were in very different places in our lives. He had really started to party in ways that I knew I never would, so it made sense that I needed to focus on Austin and myself. When their graduation rolled around, my parents took us all to Crystal’s Pizza for an after-party. It was like the party for the misfits that didn’t really have anywhere to go. Of course, we were there to celebrate my brother and sister, but also Lee, Shan, and several of our other graduating friends, before they joined the rest of their class for a grad party that night. I had Austin there with me, who was approaching two months old. Even though we were on different levels, it was still a special day for Lee and me. He took me on my first date since having Austin a couple of weeks after that. I can still remember every detail of the night. I looked pretty cute in my denim romper I wore and he told me so several times throughout the night. We went to an 18 to enter club since neither of us was old enough to get into a bar yet and had a ball! Then we drove out to an oil well site and drank, and decided we should probably head home. On our way there we were singing at the top of our lungs to “I Just Wanted You To Know” by Mark Chestnut and he pulled the truck over in an abandoned gas station parking lot and said, “Dance with me”. My heart swooned (did I mention what a pushover I was?), and “The Chair” by George Strait was next up on the radio. I knew at that moment that I was going to be okay. I was still cute (even though I had a kid) and here was this boy I loved, giving me hope that life was going to continue. He spent the night that night, got what he wanted, and then went off the chains again. It took me about a week to decide that I’d recover from that too, and I did.
I spent the next few months adjusting to being a single mom and trying to get my life together. I worked dead-end jobs and stayed with my parents, and Michelle babysat for me while I worked. She too had drank the “koolaid” and ended up pregnant, so it was a win-win for both of us. She could make babysitting money and I had a babysitter I could trust! When she had her baby girl we spent as much time as we could together, and made our own little framily. Michelle called Cee Cee and I when she went into labor, and I had the honor of videoing her little girl coming into the world. Those are the bonds we girls have formed throughout the years, bonds that can never be taken back. Bonds that strong build relationships that can give you peace just when you think you’ll never have it again. Supernatural peace, a true gift from our Lord that can only be through Him and the blessings He pours out on us so freely, despite how undeserving of it that we are. Here we were unwed mothers, complete sinners in downward spirals, and there too was God. Pouring out His favor on us through each other. But it was always Him, He was the one who got us through. And we were clueless as to the hardship that was still coming for us…….
2 Corinthians 12:9 says, “My grace is sufficient for you”…. and it is. He poured it out on us then and still does today…….
