We were outside strolling around the property the other day and I noticed what appeared to be corn sprouting up out by the creek. Surely not? Well hmmm, the deer feeder filled with corn IS right there, uphill from the corn. Duh! Apparently, it washed downhill & took root & we are now corn farmers. Who knew?! Funny how I have a garden with no corn, but now we’re watering/caring for it as if we had planted it ourselves. It’s had me reflecting on callings that are specifically for each of us. My husband is always telling me that I can’t solve all the world’s problems, and of course, I know it’s true. BUT a lot of the time, I find myself trying. As a Christian and with every day, and every year I’m given, I feel compelled to change my fleshly ways and try to shine Christ’s love as brightly as I can to whoever has been put in my path. Having said that, and if you’ve read any of my previous writings thus far, I’m FAR from perfect and actually happy to know that I never will be in this lifetime. That’s a huge load off!! I still scream at my kids, send thank you cards late, forget someone’s name right after I’ve met them, act like a complete spaz when I have to speak to a large group of people for any reason, have too much to drink & act like a rat out of a cage when I get a night out with my girlfriends, you get the gist of it…. I’m a complete mess, but also a work in progress.
Yesterday in church our Pastor spoke of how when you were a guest in someone’s home and would announce it was time to go, it was customary for the host to refill your cup brimming full, as a gesture to say, don’t leave yet…. “your cup runneth over”. It’s how I’ve felt every day lately, since the loss of my sister-in-law. I find myself never wanting anyone to leave, hugging a little too long. It’s not fear making me this way, like I know the devil is trying his hardest to make me cross that VERY FINE line too. No, it’s love, from the AUTHOR of my story, OUR HEAVENLY FATHER. There’s always that constant battle going on in all of our lives. God is fighting battles on our behalf that we know nothing about, and it’s becoming more & more evident to me every day. I’m overwhelmed with gratitude at the promise of how the end turns out. For the first few weeks since losing Gina, I was crippled by fear. My health terrifies me sometimes being a type 1 diabetic (story for another time), but I’m trying to take care of myself & there is nothing to remind you about your own precious gift of life, like losing someone you love does, especially when they are so vibrant, young & taken so unexpectedly.
Last Friday was the first day back to school for my kids, and while I was sad to see them go back, I also had a relaxing, kickin’ it with my girls afternoon planned. We would have lunch at our fave Mexican restaurant in town & then come back to the house & float on our rafts in the pool. My neighbor/new friend was to join us & arrived first. She had some things that were stressing her out, but I never dreamed the extent of it until right before my eyes, she collapsed to the floor. I helped her up and spun her around to a barstool at the kitchen table, and as I had my arms around her, her eyes rolled back in her head and then closed, her head fell back and her whole body went limp and she slid out of the barstool while I guided her down to the ground so she didn’t hurt her head. I screamed her name repeatedly but knew in my mind that I had just held my friend as she died in my arms. I called 911 while trying to shake her awake & thankfully she came to. It turned out that her blood pressure had bottomed out and she was a bit dehydrated. The paramedics gave her a bag of fluid & told us to take her to lunch & get some food in her, so that’s just what we did. It wasn’t until later that night, that I realized the full extent of how that whole situation affected me in every way. Yes, it sent my anxiety through the roof, I was EXHAUSTED in every way, emotionally, physically, and mentally. All I could think about while my friend’s head flopped backward, was my sister-in-law. It was so surreal as if in very slow motion, a million thoughts going through my head all at once. That night as I lay in bed, the depth of it all hit me. My friend could’ve died, but she didn’t. God wasn’t ready for her to leave this place yet, he has a specific plan for us all & suddenly though gripped by fear that day, it dawned on me. That sneaky, manipulative satan had a hold of me again & it was in a bad way. I could feel the talons of his demon in my back if I tried hard enough, he was telling me…. be afraid, death is coming for you too. Every breath you take could be your very last one, can’t you feel me squeezing it out of you?! As my Bestie CeeCee always says, “Nice try buddy!” Because it is true, we all are going to die someday. But right now I’m still here. I’m here to shine God’s light wherever HE sends me, I’m here for my PRECIOUS kids, husband, family & friends. I’m here for the little old lady I gave a ride home from the grocery store the other day when it was 107 outside & she had walked there! I’m here to tend the random corn that I didn’t plant. Why? Because I KNOW every breath I’m given, that we’re all given (until we’re not), is a gift! Don’t let the devil get his talons in you, ruling you in fear. Instead, when you’re feeling that fear, get on your face & lay it at God’s feet. HE is in control & HE wins if you haven’t heard the end of THE story yet!!!!
“Death where is your victory, death where is your sting” 1Corinthians15:55 NIV
“I will deliver this people from the power of the grave; I will redeem them from death. Where, O death, are your plagues? Where, O grave, is your destruction?”Hosea13:14 NIV
